Divorce Exceptions

It’s unfortunate that today, more and more parents  are getting divorces. Honestly, more of my friends have divorced parents than those whohave parents who are still together.

 I guess in one way, I was fortunate: my parents divorced when I was only a year old. For years I went from hating my father, to missing him, to thinking he was dead. I watched my mom date other men, break up with them, and I began thinking that relationships were stupid, because most adults I knew were alone, most of them hurt from a broken heart. Probably why I can’t hold onto a relationship. Probably doesn’t help that I have gotten so used to being alone in life I believe I like it.

 Anyways, I re-met my father when I was 14 and since things have been ok. I visit him and his family over Christmas and for a few weeks every summer. My dad even came up for my graduation. Now I’ve come to love his family, including his girlfriend of nearly 15 years, and her 3 kids (all older than me).

 But since my mom and dad were together for my graduation…they’ve been talking about getting back together.

 Suddenly after 1 weekend, he’s willing to leave his girlfriend and her kids and come up here to live with my mom (I’m moving out soon anyways). I’m just…I don’t know how to respond to this in any way.

 I was hoping, that for a graduation moment, my mom, dad, and I could just hang out for a bit, and I’d get a sense of what being with both parents felt like. I wanted taste of what an average family was supposed to feel like. And I got it. Hell, my parents even fought! I even got to see what that was like.

 But now I’m faced with the opportunity to have that feeling, 24/7. I’m not sure I want that. Now don’t get me wrong, I want my parents happy. But things like this don’t happen normally. And I don’t think he’s ready to leave his girlfriend and her kids. He watched them grow up, witnessed their moments (first bike, first boy/girlfriend, coach soccer team, Parent/teacher conferences, proms, graduations, etc.) and now, all of his kids are basically adults. His girlfriends’ youngest is the same age as me, so we’re hitting the same stones. I’m a tiny –tiny- bit jealous of them. But I’m over it. It’s just…they’re losing the father figure in their life. I’m gaining one…back? I’m confused. I just don’t want to be seen as the girl who screwed up everything.

 I guess I’m ok with my mom and dad getting together again. If they don’t, ok! Fine with that, too! But I don’t want to be in the middle of them. I don’t want to hear how long they talked on the phone or what he said that made her smile. I’m still the kid here, and stuff between them is just like o.e to me.

 I just can’t get past how weirded out I am by this. I never thought this would happen…and it might.

 What do I do? I don’t even know what I’m asking for. Somebody just tell me….something.

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~ by sider13 on May 27, 2011.

5 Responses to “Divorce Exceptions”

  1. Ah! Weird! Well, first of all you are very considerate to mention and consider the circumstances of if dad left his girlfriend and her kids after 15 years, because that is definitely a long, solid time for those relationships to form. And if he left them to come back to your mom… crazy! I mean, you sound indifferent to the whole thing. Like, it’s weird, ‘do what you gotta do’ kind of thing, but… weird! And the hard part is, you know the two sides of the family… and someone will get hurt. Someone always gets hurt more, and it sounds like it may have been more your mom 18 years ago, and would be more your dad’s girlfriend and kids now.

    My parents divorced when I was 10, and my dad gave up on working on their marriage when another woman (now step mom) came into the picture. My step mom is amazing. My mom is amazing. My dad is amazing! And now my dad and mom are starting to realize that well, they are not so different anymore. He is going up there soon for work and they decided to meet up for the first time in like, 10 years, and something COULD happen. But the divorce scarred my mom’s life, bad, and she only just recovered. It took her 12 years for her heart to heal, and for her to forgive him. I feel that my dad isn’t good enough for her (don’t get me wrong, my dad is my guru!) but he had his chance, and he fucked up when he made the decision to leave her, and as much as I would LOVE to see my parents back together again, because really, they are more the same than they have ever been, but at the same time, I just don’t think it would be right. One, for him to leave my step mom who is fantastic would hurt everyone around them, and two, my mom had to deal with so much loss- it just wouldn’t be fair.

    I’m sorry I brought up my personal situation, because this is very much about you and your family. But I think sharing with you my view on the things in my life may help you with perspective on this situation, as difficult as it is. Let me know if there’s anything you would like to me to share, or would like to share with me! Daughters of divorced, maybe not so divorced parents, unite! LOL

    • Well thank you for the story, it was good to hear someone else’s experiences with this. and you’re right I really am indifferent to it…lol i’m indifferent to a lot of things. You’re also right about how either way, someone gets hurt. I appreciate the comment 🙂

  2. I can’t imagine my parents getting back together, its a weird, unrealistic thought. Its funny how people can change so quickly and really get annoyed with the other. Alot like relationships. Everything the other person does will become annoying because you don’t want to be around them….>> Blaah.

    This is interesting though. Maybe they were being optimistic rather than realistic? Its easy to get those confused.

  3. We BOTH need to start blogging more. I haven’t since about the same time as this last post and I came back to see what I have been missing from you and found, well, this same post!! I need a good read about life sider!

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