Let’s slow down. At least a little.

For the record, I am NOT talking about relationships. I am merely talking about….life.

Seems dumb to have the words ‘merely’ and ‘life’ together in the same sentence. It’s like putting ‘pudd’e and 30 billion gallons of water together. You just can’t use a little adjective and a big noun together. It’s just not right!

Dang I don’t even know if that would make sense, I haven’t studied grammar in years. I just learned about Spoonerisms (sp?) from a friend’s mom asking us random questions. At first I thought they involved the act of spooning. Which made me think of the time I spent with friends in hills. Two blow up mattresses, 5 people. 3 boys to one, 2 girls to the other. After yelling at them to stop snoring, my friend noticed one of the boys had, what she thought was, fallen off the bed. Turns out he just rolled over to get away from the other 2 boys…who were practically spooning. They weren’t gay but boy A “has body pillows” (his excuse) and the other probably tought it was a girl and forgot he was between 2 guys when he went to sleep.

Turns out a spoonerism is “an error in speech or deliberate play on words”.

Far from what I thought it was! 😀

And…mentioning relationships…I have a crush on a guy ^-^ As usual, I don’t think anything will happen…but I like this guy. A lot. Ha. Example: I’m even debating going to a track meet just to see him! The track meet is at my school so it’s not a stretch out of my way but still…I never go to sport things at my school 😛

BUT the important thing about this article…is that I catch myself wishing life would slow down a little. Everything’s moving so fast that I feel like I barely have time to breathe. 

My mom’s currently believing that I wont graduate but is planning a party. Doing what she wants, inviting who she wants…yeah. And I’m trying to plan stuff for college but my mom think’s I’m not ready. AND I’m just trying to get my grades up and complete my Senior Project and trying to lose what little of a social life I have scraped together. And, I’d like to TRY to get some writing in.

I guess I’m not afraid of graduating. But it’s more of what comes after: the whole “holy crap” feeling. I’m not terrified of being on my own, I’m actually looking forward to being pushed into the ‘pool of adulthood’ and having the ultimatum of ‘sink or swim’.  But the basis of what I’ve known for the past 13 years is changing. Change isn’t bad…but the days that I never thought would arrive are right around the corner.

Easy to say really, is that this time in my life is nothing like I thought it’d be.

Actually, comparing the idea of what the 5-year-old version of me thought this time in my life would be is laughable compared to what it really is. 

I thought I’d have a high-school-sweetheart boyfriend, be a cheerleader, a popular girl with long blonde hair, tan, hot car, cool job, savings account, and ready for life. 

(Que laughing sequence)

Yeah. I’m kinda glad to be single, NEVER will be or want to be a cheerleader, glad to not really be popular (I’m not a super outcast but I’m not at least true of who I am and a good portion of people have accepted it). My hair is long and dyed black, I’m trying to be pale, gotta piece of crap car that doesn’t even run (I love crappy cars :)) no job, no savings, and…somewhat ready for life.

I guess we could spend all our lives planning and planning. Planning what we want to be, what we want to do, hows it going to be executed…but we rarely plan for the unexpected, the bad things, the sad moments, loss and/or heartbreak, and we never really plan…on the plans changing. And you can’t stop the plans from changing.

My goal right now…is to stop planning, working with what I’ve got, making the best of whatever is thrown at me, and  to stop apologizing so much.

I’ll let you guys know how that goes 🙂

Feels like I’m on the edge of a life-changing time. Feels like I’m waiting at the gate of an airport terminal, waiting for a flight to come in.


~ by sider13 on April 20, 2011.

2 Responses to “Let’s slow down. At least a little.”

  1. A lot of yourblogs are very reflective and wordly lately 😉 Which is perfectly fine! just, maybe don’t get to enveloped in it too deep, it is what it is, what happens will happen, the past is the past, future is the future, just live with what you know : the present.
    if we take too much time to plan, its no fun. Thats the joy about life, is not planning. Love your ending analogy though! is that what inspired your bannner picture?

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