I feel…betrayed, by someone, who didn’t even know they had my trust. Blindsighted? Maybe that’s what I’m feeling. I’m not sure. I’m never quite sure what to think on an unproductive day. Maybe it’s not quite an ‘unproductive’ day…I realized I’ve been following a fake person. Well, not really ‘fake’ but more like…someone who doesn’t see me. It’s ok if you don’t get my point…I can’t even put it down in words. Then again, aren’t words empty, and actions loud?

Anyways, I’ve decided I’m going to stop following the fake, and focus more on those who matter. Those who are here, who are now, who I could lose. It’s no use focusing on those I could lose if I never had them in the fist place.

I realized even though I thought I was, I was not coping with the fact that things are changing. I was just saying ‘yeah’ and believing I was accepting things, when I wasn’t. And if I am unable to axxpet change that I cannot stop or alter, then I cannot decide what I am going to do about these changes, or decide on anything that wil move me forward, or for that matter, even backwards. I can’t move.  I have been idle. Now I know what I need to do, so I can move. How I am going to accomplish this, but at least I have a direction.

And for some reason, I am wondering if moving back can be a way of moving forward.

A short piece for today, but full. Like a power nap.

It is so much more fun walking around in socks than shoes.  Where have I been the past two years?


~ by sider13 on October 2, 2010.

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